Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Wrong Side of the Bed

    Sister Margaret gets out of bed, puts her robe and slippers on and heads out to the bathroom. As she passes, Sister Mary-Catherine says, “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see that you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Sister Margaret is puzzled — she doesn’t feel upset or angry and doesn’t think she looks like she’s in a bad mood. So she puts on a smile and continues on her way. Then she sees Sister Mary-Constance who says, “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see that you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Again, she’s puzzled. Then she sees the Mother Superior who greets her the same way: “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see you’ve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

    Finally Sister Margaret has had ENOUGH! “Mother Superior, why is everyone saying that I look like I got up on the wrong side of the bed?”

    “Because you’re wearing the Monsignor’s slippers, my dear.”

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  • The Holy Water Fountain

    Father Rick has lately gotten news that some of the Sisters had been naughty, and he decided to take action. He gathered the Nuns and made them line up in front of the church’s courtyard fountain of holy water.

    “Now sisters. I understand that desire can be strong. But today you wash away your sins. You name your sin and wash it away with the holy water.”

    The first nun in line admits to having peeked and stared at a penis, so she washes her eyes with the holy water. The second nun admitted to having touched a penis, so she washes her hand in the holy water…

    Then, suddenly, Sister Clarice starts bumping all the other nuns to get to the front of the line.

    “Sister, sister, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but everybody will get their turn.”

    “Well, I’ll tell you what, Father. If I must gargle this holy water, I’m sure going to do it before Sister Marie dunks her ass in it!”

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  • Missing You

    After an argument a husband sat in his work room throwing darts at a photo of his wife but not a single one hits the target.

    From upstairs his wife asks him, “What are you doing?”

    He replies, “Missing you!”

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  • Make Sure Hes Really Dead

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses. The other calls 911, panicking: “I’m out hunting with my friend. He just fell over, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he’s not breathing. I think he’s dead! What can I do?”

    The operator calmly replies: “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s really dead.” The phone gets quiet at the 911 emergency services’ end for a few seconds, then a gunshot is heard.

    The caller returns: “OK, that’s taken care of — now what?”

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  • The New Rules

    A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.

    After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

    “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”

    His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”

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  • Frank Feldman

    A man steps out onto the street and catches a taxi just as it’s going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

    “Who?” the passenger asks.

    “Frank Feldman,” the cabbie says. “He was a guy who did everything right, all the time. Like me coming along just when you needed a cab. Things like that always happened to Frank Feldman.”

    “Well, nobody’s perfect,” the passenger says.

    “Not Frank Feldman,” the cabbie replies. “He was a terrific athlete. He could’ve won a Grand Slam in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star. And you should’ve heard him play piano. He was amazing.”

    “Sounds like he was something special,” the passenger says.

    “There’s more,” the cabbie continues. “He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everyone’s birthday. He knew all about wine — what to order, which fork to use. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street goes dark. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

    “Wow,” says the passenger, “what a guy.”

    “And he always knew the fastest route through traffic,” the cabbie adds. “Not like me. I’m always getting stuck. But Frank never made a mistake. And he knew how to treat a woman. He’d never talk back, even if she was wrong. His clothes were always spotless, his shoes polished. The perfect man. Nobody could measure up to Frank Feldman.”

    The passenger pauses, then asks, “So how did you meet him?”

    The cabbie says, “I never did. He died… and I married his wife.”

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  • Get Treatment for 20 Dollars

    A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S., but couldn’t land a job at a hospital. So, he decided to open his own little clinic and hung a sign outside that read:

    “Get treatment for $20 — If not cured, get $100 back!”

    One day, an American lawyer saw the sign and thought, “Easy money!” So he walked in.

    Lawyer: “Doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

    Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22. Put three drops in the patient’s mouth.”

    Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”

    Doctor: “Congrats, your taste is back! That’ll be $20.”

    Annoyed but not giving up, the lawyer returned a few days later.

    Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember a thing.”

    Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put three drops in his mouth.”

    Lawyer: “Hey — that’s kerosene! You gave me this last time!”

    Doctor: “Congrats, your memory’s back! That’ll be $20.”

    Now fuming, the lawyer came back one last time, determined to win the $100.

    Lawyer: “Doc, my eyesight is so bad — I can’t see a thing!”

    Doctor: “I’m sorry, I don’t have any medicine for that. Here’s your $100.”

    The doctor handed him a $20 bill.

    Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait! This is only $20, not $100!”

    Doctor: “Congrats, your eyesight’s restored! That’ll be $20.”

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  • Saturday Night With Ned

    My neighbor Ned cornered me in the driveway and grinned like a maniac.

    “Oi, come over Saturday night, mate. It’s gonna be mental — bit of drinking, bit of fighting, bit of fucking!”

    I lit up. “Hell yeah! What time?”

    Ned shrugged, still smiling.

    “Don’t matter. It’ll just be you and me.”

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  • But You Were 147 Votes Short

    Famous dentist Sam and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

    Sam looked at his wife’s face for a moment and asked, “Darling, did you ever cheat on me in these fifty years?”

    The woman, quite surprised by her husband’s question, remained silent for a while.

    “If my answer is yes, wouldn’t your opinion of me change? Do you still want to know despite everything?”

    “No, my love, it wouldn’t change, and I really do want to know. Please tell me.”

    “Since you want to learn, yes, darling, I cheated on you three times,” the woman replied.

    “Who were these people?” Sam asked.

    “The first one,” the woman began to explain, “remember when you were 30 years old and wanted to open your own clinic, but no bank manager would give you a loan? Then one bank manager came to the house. Without asking anything, he had you sign all the papers, and you were able to open your clinic with ultra-modern equipment. Do you remember?”

    “Ahhh, my darling. So you sacrificed yourself for me, my dear wife,” Sam said. “And the second one?”

    “Remember when you had a heart attack at 39, and you needed critical bypass surgery, but no doctor had the courage to do it? You could have died any moment. Dr. Halery got up from all that distance, came, performed your surgery, and brought you back to life,” his wife said.

    “Ahhh, my beloved wife, so you sacrificed yourself once more to save my life, is that right? And the third infidelity?”

    “Do you remember? Years ago, you were 43 and wanted to become the president of the dentists’ chamber, but you were 147 votes short…”

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