I used to think my older sister was possessed by a demon, what with all the levitating, growling voices and head-spinning. But then my parents explained that whole PMS thing to me.
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I bellied up to the bar and ordered a double Jack and Coke.
I bellied up to the bar and ordered a double Jack and Coke. Before I even took a sip, I was so happy that I started jumping up a down and spilled it all over the bar. Seems I suffer from premature Jack elation.
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I think a really cool thing for blind people would be talking warning signs.
I think a really cool thing for blind people would be talking warning signs. The drawback would be the resulting explosion of the blind population due to a lack of natural predators.
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The second rule of Fight Club is: Don’t whistle songs from “The Sound of Music.”
The second rule of Fight Club is: Don’t whistle songs from “The Sound of Music.”
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All these advertisements and commercials confuse me.
All these advertisements and commercials confuse me. Here I was thinking the burning sensation when I urinated just meant my shampoo was working.
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I think math class should teach us useful skills, like how this small, round cardboard
I think math class should teach us useful skills, like how this small, round cardboard tube would be half full of toilet paper right now if I had just coughed up a few cents more for the double roll.
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My grandfather lived to be over 100 years old, but I still feel that in an important way
My grandfather lived to be over 100 years old, but I still feel that in an important way he died too soon. If he could have waited until later in the week, I could’ve used the funeral to string together a three day weekend.
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I hate cargo pants, mainly because of the name.
I hate cargo pants, mainly because of the name. I don’t really need that constant reminder that my ass is big enough to be shipped as freight.
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It never fails: Whenever I try to get romantic with a woman, I always start crying
It never fails: Whenever I try to get romantic with a woman, I always start crying uncontrollably. I guess pepper spray will do that to ya.
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I have some JPGs of Britney Spears dancing naked.
I have some JPGs of Britney Spears dancing naked. Except she’s not naked — she’s wearing a grubby bathrobe, and she’s not dancing — she’s eating oatmeal, and she’s not Britney Spears — she’s me.
