Delivery Style: One-liner

If you think about the vastness of space, and how enormous our galaxy is, and how big our planet is, and how small we are, I’m not really eating all that much cheese.

I hired a lawyer to sue the airlines for mishandling my luggage.

They lost the case.

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

Did you know that everything in the dictionary starts with “E”?

I used to go to a child psychologist. That kid did nothing for me.

My girlfriend is incredibly self-absorbed. The good thing is that she saves a bundle on sanitary napkins.

I often wish I had a time machine, if for no other reason than to go back to the invention of the automatic hand-dryer and lay claim to being the first one to scuff the label to read “Push Butt.”