Setup Punchline Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Divorce: She Took It All, Even My Soles

My wife took everything from me in the divorce. Including my expensive shoes.
She has sole custody.

My grief councillor died last week.

Luckily for me, though, he was very good at his job, because I really don’t give a shit.

Did you hear about the guitar that aroused people when played?

It had to be put on the sexy Fenders register.

What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas?
Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, while chickpeas can only hummus one.

What’s long, hard and given to most Polish Women at Least once a month?

A GED Test

What’s long, hard to get your tongue around, and given to a Polish woman by her husband on her wedding night?
His last name.

What’s the difference between a dog leash and the French Revolution?
One is a reign of terror, the other is a rein of terrier.

Why don’t lesbians like being told what to do?
They don’t like mandates.

My wife complained that I don’t treat her like I did when we were dating.
So I took her to dinner and dropper her off at her parent’s house.

I tried to remarry my ex-wife, but that failed.
She figured out I was only after my money.