Format: short

Short comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • $600 a Week and a Third Interest in the Pharmacy

    One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak with the pharmacist.

    “I am the pharmacist,” she informed him.

    “Oh, in that case forget it,” he replied and started to leave.

    “Young man,” the lady said to him, “My sister and I have been pharmacists for forty years and there is nothing we haven’t heard, so what is your problem?”

    “Well,” the young man said reluctantly, “I have a problem with erections. Once I get hard, it won’t go down for hours and hours, no matter how much I masturbate or how many times I have intercourse! Please, can you give me something for it?”

    “I’ll have to go in the back and talk to my sister,” she informed him. About ten minutes later she came back.

    “Young man, I have consulted with my sister and the best we can give you is $600 a week and a third interest in the pharmacy.”

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  • Which Feels Better Your Ear or Your Finger

    A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male/female issues. They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

    The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?” He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.

    “That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this — when your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better — your ear or your finger?”

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  • One at a Time Boys

    During a wild party at a Long Island country house, Roxanne had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air. Getting to a grassy field, she lay down to watch the stars. Roxanne was almost asleep when a cow, searching for clover, carefully stepped over her.

    Groggily, she raised her head and said, “One at a time, boys…..one at a time.”

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  • Wouldnt I Wooden Eye

    There was a seaman who had a wooden eye because he was a tight mean bastard who refused to pay for a professionally made eyeball. However he was very sensitive about people making fun of his eyeball. One night after being at sea for several months and being tight with money, he thought he would try his luck at the local pubs for some pussy instead of going with the other guys to proposition some of the local prostitutes.

    He struck pay dirt by meeting a lady with the most marvelous figure. However, instead of her mouth going across her face, it went vertically straight up and down. On arriving back at the woman’s place and making small talk, the lady said she would like him to leave as she wanted her sleep.

    This got the seaman angry as he wanted some pussy and told her she wouldn’t have been any good in bed anyway. She yelled “WOULDN’T I” and the seaman thought she had said wooden eye, and being very sensitive about his eye he retorted “WHO ARE YOU CALLING WOODEN EYE CUNT FACE”.

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  • Pass Me the Vaseline

    Harry was sensitive about his wooden leg and afraid no woman would have him. He was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage. He couldn’t bring himself to tell his fiancée about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, “Darling, I’ve got a big surprise for you,” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

    The wedding night came and went, and the young couple was at last alone in their hotel room. “Now don’t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise,” said the bride.

    Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife’s hand on the stump.

    “Hmmmmm,” she said softly, “that is a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I’ll see what I can do!”

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  • Eats Shoots and Leaves

    A prostitute enters a pub and notices a Panda bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the panda bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the Panda gets up and wanders towards the door. “HEY! Where are you going?” yells the prostitute. “I haven’t been paid!”

    Realizing that he is a Panda bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up prostitute.

    She shows him the definition: PROSTITUTE (pros’ti toot) n. A woman who performs sexual services for money.

    The Panda bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition: PANDA BEAR (pan der bare) n. Eats shoots and leaves.

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  • I Dont Want a Dog

    One night, a four-year-old heard some strange noises in his parents’ bedroom, so he gets out of bed to check it out. He enters their room and sees his father on top of his mother.

    Pretty confused, he asks them what they were doing. Reckoning there was not a good time for the “flowers and the bees” story, Dad says, “Uh, we’re, like, making a little brother for you.”

    The kid gets very upset and leaves the room sobbing, “I don’t wanna little brooootheeer!”

    Next night, same thing, just that Mom was on top of Dad. “What now?”, wants the boy to know. Embarrassed, Mom says they were making a little sister for him.

    “I don’t want no little siiiisteeeeer!”, whimpers the kid, while returning to his bed.

    Third night he had the same sleeping problem. This time, in the parents’ bed, the father was behind the mother, so he just slaps the door very angry, crying, “I don’t want a doooog!”

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  • Once a Sailor Always a Sailor

    On the day of the wedding, the bride was getting dressed, surrounded by all of her family…

    And then she suddenly realized she had forgotten to get any shoes and began to panic.

    Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to the bride for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over the bride’s feet were hurting real bad.

    When she and the groom withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.

    The rest of the family crowded around the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard the groom say, “God, that was tight.”

    “There,” whispered the mother of the bride. “I told you she was a virgin.”

    Then, to their surprise, they heard the groom say, “Right. Now for the other one.” Followed by more grunting and straining, at last the groom said, “My God. That was even tighter.”

    “That’s my boy,” said the father of the groom. “Once a sailor, always a sailor.”

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  • Why Didnt You Keep Him When You Took His Picture

    Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

    “Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”

    So Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”

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  • Stop Wearing My Clothes to School

    Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. “First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse,” she said softly.

    So Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

    “O.K., now take off my skirt,” and he takes off her skirt.

    “Now take off my bra,” which he does.

    “And now, Johnny, take off my knickers.” Johnny takes her knickers off. “Johnny, for the last time… STOP WEARING MY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL!”

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