Joke Type: anecdotal

Anecdotal jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Backdoor

    I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.

    She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the backdoor!”

    Thinking back, I really should have run, but you don’t get offers like that every day.

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  • My Wife Paid Off Our House and Vehicles With Her OnlyFans Account

    My Wife Paid Off Our House and Vehicles With Her OnlyFans Account

    MY WIFE PAID OFF OUR HOUSE AND VEHICLES WITH HER ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.

    SHE’S GONNA FREAK WHEN SHE FINDS OUT SHE HAS AN ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.

  • I Once Dated a Girl With a Twin

    I Once Dated a Girl With a Twin

    I once dated a girl with a twin.

    People asked me how I could tell them apart.

    It was simple, Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a cock.

  • My First Time With a Condom

    I recall my first time with a condom. I was 19 or so.

    I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

    She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

    I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”

    So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused, so she looked all around the store to see if it was empty.

    It was empty. “Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door and locked it.

    Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite you?” she asked.

    Well, I was so dumbstruck that all I could do was nod my head.

    She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

    “Well, come on,” she said. “We don’t have much time.”

    So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW — I was done within a few minutes.

    She looked at me with a bit of a frown.

    “Did you put that condom on?” she asked.

    I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her!

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  • Explaining AI

    My daughter asked me to explain AI to her.

    I said, “You know how Dad gives wrong answers confidently? It’s like that but faster.”

  • The Old Man and the Prostitute

    A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hadn’t had a customer in a while, so she whistles at him and says, “Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The old man said, “But I won’t be able to…”

    Prostitute: “C’mon man… give it a try…”

    Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes. When he’s done, the prostitute, all exhausted and tired, says, “But you said you won’t be able to…”

    “…pay you,” replied the old man.

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  • The Circumcision

    Two little boys were lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

    The first boy leans over and asks, “What are you in for?”

    “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m nervous,” the second boy says.

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about! I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of ice cream and Jell-O. It’s a breeze!”

    “Well, what are you here for?” the second kid asks.

    “A circumcision,” the first kid replies woefully.

    The second kid says, “Wow! I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year!”

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  • The Rooster and the Peacock

    On Easter morning, a rooster wakes up and notices brightly colored eggs scattered all around the chicken coop and yard.

    He looks at the hens nesting, thinks for a minute, then runs across the barnyard and beats the shit out of the peacock.

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  • The Three Stages of Marital Sex

    A young man is getting ready for his wedding with his dad’s help.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    While dressing, the dad says, “So you’re okay on the sex thing, right, son?”

    “Yeah, sure, Dad. It’s all cool.”

    The dad continues, “So you’re familiar with the three stages of marital sex, are you?”

    “The three what?! Whatever, Dad. I got it!”

    “No, really,” says the dad. “There are three stages of marital sex.”

    “Okay, Dad. I’ll bite. What’s the story?”

    The dad says, “There’s honeymoon sex, holiday sex, and hallway sex.

    Honeymoon sex is what you would expect – you and your wife can’t get enough of each other. You’re constantly going at it.

    But as life gets busy with kids, careers, and bills, the holiday sex stage takes over. You really only have time to get intimate on special occasions.

    Then, finally, you reach the stage of hallway sex.”

    “What’s that?” the son asks.

    “Well, basically, that’s when you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say, ‘Fuck you.’”

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  • How do you know it was on its way to work?

    I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me, “How do you know it was on its way to work?”