We have X-rays to see bones, ultrasounds to see babies, and an MRI to see the brain.
Is a finger in the ass really necessary for a prostate exam?
Joke Type: comparative
Comparative jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Virgil Won
Two old brothers — Hank and Earl — had a lifelong rivalry going with their neighbour Virgil, all three of them living in the same remote corner of northern Montana, where winters were the kind of cold that made your eyebrows hurt.
One February evening, the three of them were nursing drinks at the only bar in town, and the argument that started every year around this time broke out again.
“Boys,” said Hank, “I’m telling you right now — my place is the coldest in the county.”
“Ha,” said Earl. “You’ve never even spent a night in my cabin.”
Virgil just smiled into his glass and said nothing, which irritated the other two more than any boast could.
They agreed to end the argument once and for all. First stop was Hank’s place.
He led them to the porch, filled a tin cup with water from the tap, and flung it into the air. It hit the ground as a solid disc of ice.
“Not bad,” said Virgil. “Not bad at all.”
Earl just raised an eyebrow.
Over at Earl’s cabin, he stood in the doorway, drew a long slow breath, and let it out. The exhale left his mouth as a mist — and then clattered to the floor in a tiny frozen clump.
“Alright,” Hank admitted. “That’s cold.”
But Virgil still hadn’t said a word.
When they reached Virgil’s cabin, he didn’t take them to the porch or the doorway. He took them straight to the bedroom.
He pulled back the blankets on the bed and carefully lifted something out — a small, perfectly round ball of ice. He carried it to the kitchen, set it on a spoon, and held a lit match beneath it.
The three of them stood in silence, watching it slowly thaw.
And then, the moment it softened just enough —
“FFFAAAARRRRTTT!”
Virgil won.
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The Catholic Type the Salvation Army Type and the Baptist Type
A man walked into the ladies section of a department store.
He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.”
“What type of bra?” asked the clerk.
“Type?” inquires the man. “There is more than one type?”
“Look around,” said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color, and material.
“Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only 3 types of bras,” replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked, “What are the 3 types?”
The saleslady replied, “The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?”
Still confused, the man asked, “What is the difference between them?”
The lady responded, “It is all really quite simple… The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.”
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A Royal Flush Beats a Pair
Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.
They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.
“I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.
The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.
Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they’re two of God’s most perfect creations and I’m sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.
Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.
The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”
Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”
The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”
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Couldnt Walk for a Year
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other, outside the operating room…
The first kid asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”
The first kid says, “A circumcision.”
And the second kid says, “Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born and couldn’t walk for a year.”
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Worse Off Than I Am
A judge is asking a husband why he wants a divorce.
Husband, “Your honor, every so often, my wife makes me peel garlic, chop onions, and wash dishes.”
Judge, “What’s the problem? Warm the garlic first, it peels easily. Put the onion in the fridge, no tears while chopping… I do this at least once a week. Soak the dishes for 10 minutes, they’ll clean themselves. I do this almost every day.”
Husband, “Got it! Your honor, I withdraw my case.”
Judge, “Why are you withdrawing?”
Husband, “Cause apparently, you’re worse off than I am.”
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Brunette Jokes
What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them.What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible.What’s a brunette’s mating call?
“Has the blonde left yet?”Why didn’t Indians scalp brunettes?
The hair from a buffalo’s butt was more manageable.Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation.What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
A hostage.Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price.Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
It matches their mustache.
