Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked “What do you have under the newspaper, mister?”
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. And then no hands. And then no head. And then I ate his tasty liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
The way my four-year-old really gets into steering when we’re in the car makes me think he might grow up to be a professional racecar driver. And to think I originally just needed him to sit in my lap and take the wheel while I reached back for another beer.
Times are tough so once again I will be selling my nudes.
$5 to get one
$25 not to get one
Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.
I’ve been saving up all my picked-off scabs in little bags, just in case the local blood bank needs some Folgers crystals.
As my husband ordered the smothered chicken, I thought to myself, “Boy, it sure took a sick bastard to discover the meat had a special flavor when oxygen-deprived.”
