*RING* “Hello?” “What’s up?” “Aw, man, I was right in the middle of masturbating.” “Then why’d you answer?” “I thought it might be my mom.”
Joke Type: dirty humor
Dirty humor jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Business idea: Whore House of Pancakes, for guys who get hungry
Business idea: Whore House of Pancakes, for guys who get hungry after they fuck.
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Grandpa nods his head, peering into the kitchen with a confident
Grandpa nods his head, peering into the kitchen with a confident smile: “See your grandma over there, kid? Yeah, I fucked her.”
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Tom Jones and the Siamese Twins
A pair of drop-dead gorgeous female Siamese twins who were joined at the hip saw the ad for the concert in the local paper. One of them said, “Hey, Tom Jones is in town! How would you like to go and see him?” They agreed to go, hoping they might get to meet him.
Tom Jones did in fact notice them from the stage and asked for them to be sent to his room. After a couple of drinks, he asked them if they would be into any hanky-panky, and one of them definitely was, but the other one not so much. Tom asked the other one what she likes doing, and she said she actually likes to play the trombone, so he picked one up from the horn section so she could keep herself amused while he had his way with the other one.
A couple of years later, there was another ad in the paper that the twins saw, and one of them said, “Hey, would you like to go see Tom Jones again?”
The other twin replied, “Do you think he would remember us?”
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Tight, Isn’t It?
A man picks up a prostitute and is headed for the motel. She just cannot stop talking about how awesome her pussy is. They get to the motel room and undress.
To demonstrate, she says to him, “Put a finger in.” He puts a finger in.
“Put two fingers in.” He puts two fingers in.
“Put four fingers in.” He does.
“Put your hand in.” He does.
“Put your other hand in.” He does.
“Now, clap!”
He tries and tries, but cannot clap.
She says, “Tight, isn’t it?”
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Chainsaw Fart Scratches the Itch
When your asshole itches but you rip a chainsaw fart that scratches it on the way out
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Your Word Is Seaward – C-U-N… Please No Jesus Stop
moderator: your word is ‘seaward’
spelling bee contestant: C-U-N…
moderator: please no jesus stop
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When You Blow Black Pepper in Her Face Mid-Ride
When you blow a handful of black pepper in her face mid-ride to make her sneeze so the pussy tightens
