Joke Type: double entendre

Double entendre jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Drug Dealer vs. Hooker

    What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

    A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

  • Stuck Up Cunts

    What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing.

    They’re stuck up cunts.

  • Carrots Are Good for Your Memory

    Carrots are good for your memory.

    Get one shoved in your ass and you won’t forget it.

  • Monster In Bed Not Specific

    Monster In Bed Not Specific

    When you said you were a monster in bed, but didn’t get specific

  • Sexual Innuendos Hard

    Sexual Innuendos Hard

    I TRY TO AVOID MAKING SEXUAL INNUENDOS

    BUT IT’S HARD

  • Spice Things Up Bedroom

    Spice Things Up Bedroom

    I want to spice things up.

    But you know that I’m allergic to chilli.

    I mean in the bedroom.

    I can’t eat them anywhere in the house, Alice.

  • Disabled Porn

    Disabled Porn

    I’D LIKE THE PORN IN MY ROOM TO BE DISABLED

    WE ONLY HAVE REGULAR PORN YOU SICK BASTARD

  • Swedish Massage With a Twist

    A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.

    A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows.

    “You wanna wank?”, she asked.

    “You bet,” came the excited reply.

    “O.K.,” she said, “I come back in ten minutes.”

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  • Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only

    Quickies

    Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
    A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

    Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
    A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

    Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
    A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

    Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
    A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

    Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
    A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”

    Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
    A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

    Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
    A: K9P.

    Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
    A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

    Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
    A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

    Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
    A: Dill-dough

    Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
    A: He heard the snowblower coming.

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  • Clitty Bruiser Deluxe

    Clitty Bruiser Deluxe

    DIFSEL

    CLITTY-BRUISER DELUXE 5000-D 10 H.P. MODEL

    “It’s nothing numb nuts… go back to sleep”