Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
Little Johnny attends a horse auction with his father. He watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes Johnny asks, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father says, “I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy one.”
Worried, Johnny says, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy mom.”
Being a literalist can sometimes be very helpful.
I can always respond to “Do these jeans make my ass look fat?” with a confident and honest “No.”
But I dread the day when she rephrases it as “Does my ass look fat in these jeans?”
“Mrs O’Malley, good morning,” greeted the preacher.
“Good morning, Pastor,” she replied.
“Last week, your husband walked out during the sermon. I hope nothing too serious is the matter?”
“Nothing too serious, just that he has a tendency for sleepwalking.”
I took my eight-year-old girl to the office with me on Bring Your Child to Work Day.
As we walked around the office, she starting crying, so I asked her what was wrong.
As my colleagues gathered round, she sobbed: “But Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”
At my vasectomy consultation, the doctor said, “Now THIS is a big, beautiful penis!”
Then he pulled his pants back up and told me to get undressed.
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” and that also ate things.
The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.”
The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Alan, well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.”
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, “That’s a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my mother has one and she says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”
