One night, a little boy walked into his parents room after he’d woken from a nightmare.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: misunderstanding
Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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On Your Garden Swing
A husband and wife are asleep when someone starts banging on the front door in the middle of the night.
The man checks the bedside clock. It is 3:00 a.m.
“No chance I’m getting up now,” he mutters, turning over.
A moment later, the knocking comes again, even louder.
His wife nudges him. “Are you seriously not going to see who it is?”
Grumbling, he climbs out of bed, stumbles downstairs, and opens the door. Outside stands a stranger, clearly very drunk.
The man at the door squints at him and says, “Sorry to bother you… could you give me a shove?”
“Absolutely not. It’s three in the morning,” the husband snaps, and shuts the door.
Back upstairs, he climbs into bed and tells his wife what happened.
She frowns. “That was unkind. Do you remember when our car died in the rain and you had to knock on someone’s door for help? Imagine if they had turned you away.”
“He was drunk,” the husband says.
“So what?” she replies. “He still needed help. Go help him.”
Feeling guilty, the husband gets dressed, heads back downstairs, and opens the front door. He cannot see anyone in the dark, so he calls out:
“Hey! Do you still need a push?”
From somewhere outside comes the answer:
“Yes, please!”
The husband looks around and shouts, “Where are you?”
A voice calls back:
“Over here… on your garden swing!”
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D-d-d-david
A guy gets pulled over for speeding, and the officer says, “What’s your name, son?”
He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”
The officer looks at him suspiciously and says, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The guy replies, “No, sir. My dad has a stutter, and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an idiot.”
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Now She Wants to Break Three
My daughter broke two of my Freddie Mercury records.
Now she wants to break three.
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It Hurts When They Boil Their Nipples
Why don’t blondes like to breastfeed their children?
Because it hurts when they boil their nipples.
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Put On Two Coats
It was a hot and humid July afternoon, when I decided to visit my girlfriend, Susie. Susie may be blonde and beautiful, but sometimes she is, shall we say, lacking in other areas.
Well Susie had decided her kitchen needed repainting, and instead of hiring a professional, decided to do it herself. I thought she might appreciate a break and brought over some cold beer and some sandwiches.
When I arrived, I found Susie working hard painting the kitchen walls. But instead of wearing old clothes, she was wearing her fur coat and her ski parka.
I asked her why she was dressed that way on such a hot day. She brought me the paint bucket and told me to read the instructions. I did.
It said… “For best results, put on two coats.”
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Ive Got Windows
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:
“I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen”.
The surprised salesman replies: “But madam, computers do not have curtains…”.
And the blonde said: “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
