Joke Type: misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I thought those old people were just bad tippers, but it turns

I thought those old people were just bad tippers, but it turns out I was at “poll” — not “pole” — headquarters.
My cat likes to sit on our laps and lick herself clean. My son

My cat likes to sit on our laps and lick herself clean. My son says she’s telling us, “I feel comfortable with you and trust you.” I think
I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say,

I’ve been getting a lot of “but sex” lately. Women I date say, “I like you and all, but sex…”
The train conductor kept telling me to get off, but trust me,

The train conductor kept telling me to get off, but trust me, with all that rocking the train was doing I had already done so.
Well, I guess I’m not going to host a foreign exchange student

Well, I guess I’m not going to host a foreign exchange student after all. Here’s a tip: You don’t want to specifically ask to get a sexy uninhibited Italian girl with huge tits. That seems to raise a red flag with the interviewers.
I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture

I thought I’d be successful with my specialty furniture business, but every time I call a prospective customer and ask if they want to see my stool samples, they just gasp and hang up.
While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell

While I was traveling for work, my wife called to excitedly tell me that she was expecting at least eight inches overnight. I hope she was only talking about snow.
I thought the elementary school kids might enjoy seeing my

I thought the elementary school kids might enjoy seeing my collection of giant roosters and stolen cats. But for some strange reason, the principal called me and told me to keep my huge cocks and hot pussies at home.
I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and

I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and insistence of my scout master, the product is not named “KY-In-Tents”; 2) The experience is nothing like what they lead you to believe from those commercials.
I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But

I really enjoy writing my Ruminations while totally naked. But the manager at Burger King keeps telling me it’s a health code violation.