Joke Type: misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t

After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t remember whether she told me that she was a “virgin” or a “vegan.” So on our first date I hedged my bets by banging her *and* bringing her a salad.
When my boyfriend sent me to get a Brazilian, I first thought I

When my boyfriend sent me to get a Brazilian, I first thought I was going to fuck a hot chick from Rio. Either way, now I can’t fucking walk.
When the Boy Toy told me he wanted to do it in a moving car, I

When the Boy Toy told me he wanted to do it in a moving car, I was happy to oblige. I just wish he has told me it was a convertible, so I could have worn a top that stays on in high winds. Oh, well, the truckers didn’t mind.
Call me naive, but when a guy invited me to his place for “a

Call me naive, but when a guy invited me to his place for “a little scat,” I honestly thought there would be improvised jazz singing involved.
I think maybe “all that AND a bag of chips” was a bad response

I think maybe “all that AND a bag of chips” was a bad response when my boyfriend asked me what I stuck in his ass.
Reflecting on my latest Bible study reading, I told the group I

Reflecting on my latest Bible study reading, I told the group I felt bad for Lot. Can you imagine the pain one suffers when fucking a pillar of salt?
I learned a new word today: “Sploogemaster.” Or was it

I learned a new word today: “Sploogemaster.” Or was it “Sploogemeister”? Either way, it totally got me kicked out of Chuck-E-Cheese.
When doing a crossword puzzle and asking the person next to you

When doing a crossword puzzle and asking the person next to you to spell the word “pungent,” make sure you’re not looking up from their vagina.
I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band!

I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band! But yes, I agree, it wasn’t the best choice for the elementary school chorus.
While I was showering, the little voices in my head were saying,

While I was showering, the little voices in my head were saying, “Soap up those tits more! Keep soaping those knockers!” Then I realized I never turned off Skype.