Joke Type: misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

Just Bought My First Slow Cooker!

Just bought my first slow cooker!
So Fred, You’re 97! What’s Your Secret?

Reporter: So Fred, you’re 97! What’s your secret?

Fred: I sucked a cock for a watch once.

Reporter: I meant secret of your longevity.

Fred: Oh! Fruits and vegetables.
I Thought Pineapple Was Supposed to Make Your Cum Taste Better

I thought pineapple was supposed to make your cum taste better?? This tasted awful
I Proposed to Sarah and She Said Yes – Send Me a Picture of Her Ring

I proposed to Sarah and she said yes!

OMG! congratulations! send me a picture of her Ring please!
ALDI Customer Care – Fact Hunt

ALDI CUSTOMER CARE

Thanks to Pete from Featherstone for the lovely Pic of his wife, but the Competition was called “Fact Hunt”

#awkward
Today on the Bus I Told a Lady She Had Semen on the Back of Her Shirt

TODAY ON THE BUS I TOLD A LADY SHE HAD SEMEN ON THE BACK OF HER SHIRT.

SHE SAID IT WAS PROBABLY YOGURT.

I’M PRETTY SURE I DON’T EJACULATE YOGURT.
Paraplegic Strip Club

The other day I went to a paraplegic strip club.

The place was crawling with pussy.
Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.

The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”

Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.

Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”

Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”
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I didn’t think it hurt that much

I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
“Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.”
Parking fine

A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice.