One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We’re not sure if he’s life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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My husband says he won’t buy me the crossbow I asked for for Christmas.
My husband says he won’t buy me the crossbow I asked for for Christmas. He says I might accidentally shoot him. I suppose there’s a fine line between “accident” and “on purpose.”
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I’ve heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow.
I’ve heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon.
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Fortune favors those in motion.
Fortune favors those in motion. And don’t forget: Oozing is a type of motion.
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I didn’t know that lethargy was a symptom of Lyme disease in cats.
I didn’t know that lethargy was a symptom of Lyme disease in cats. Holy smokes! My cat has had Lyme disease his entire life!
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I’d like to buy the world a Coke.
I’d like to buy the world a Coke. Just one, though. That way it would teach everyone to share.
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I got my passport photos done in a rush, coming in from the pouring rain just as the
I got my passport photos done in a rush, coming in from the pouring rain just as the store was about to close. Later when I saw the terrible photos, I asked my husband, “Why didn’t you tell me my hair was sticking up all over and I looked this bad?” He said, “I just figured you wanted to look like you do when we’re traveling.”
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My favorite part of tailgating isn’t the booze or the food — it’s how easy it is to tip
My favorite part of tailgating isn’t the booze or the food — it’s how easy it is to tip over drunk people as they urinate in public.
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Call me a sappy old romantic if you will, but it seems that every time I have a cast
Call me a sappy old romantic if you will, but it seems that every time I have a cast iron frying pan in my hand I have an overwhelming urge to clobber some man over the head with it.
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I wonder if the markings on a panda’s coat correspond to white and dark meat.
I wonder if the markings on a panda’s coat correspond to white and dark meat.
