Joke Type: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • For Drinking

    A drunk guy wakes up in jail and says, “Why am I here officer?”

    “For drinking,” replies the cop.

    “Great,” says the man. “When do we start?”

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  • Great Man Terrible Lifeguard

    My dad used to tell me that you can’t save anyone; they have to save themselves.

    Great man. Terrible lifeguard.

  • Smoked Crack After Work And Sold The Car

    Smoked Crack After Work And Sold The Car

  • Looking in Alderaan Places

    If you came here expecting me to drop some awesome Star Wars puns today…

    I’m afraid you’re looking in Alderaan places.

  • On the One Hand But On the Other

    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

  • The Moth Exterminator

    A man is banging a married woman when suddenly they hear the front door slam. “It’s my husband, hide in the bathroom!” says the woman frantically.

    The man runs into the bathroom just as the husband enters the bedroom. “Honey, why are you naked?” he asks.

    “I was waiting for you, dear,” she says.

    The husband walks into the bathroom and sees a naked man standing there, poking the ceiling with the toilet plunger. “Who the hell are you?” the husband yells.

    “The moth exterminator,” says the naked man.

    “Why the hell are you naked?” shouts the husband.

    The naked man looks down, jumps back in shock, and yells, “Those sneaky little bastards!”

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  • The Wrong Side of the Bed

    Sister Margaret gets out of bed, puts her robe and slippers on and heads out to the bathroom. As she passes, Sister Mary-Catherine says, “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see that you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Sister Margaret is puzzled — she doesn’t feel upset or angry and doesn’t think she looks like she’s in a bad mood. So she puts on a smile and continues on her way. Then she sees Sister Mary-Constance who says, “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see that you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Again, she’s puzzled. Then she sees the Mother Superior who greets her the same way: “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see you’ve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

    Finally Sister Margaret has had ENOUGH! “Mother Superior, why is everyone saying that I look like I got up on the wrong side of the bed?”

    “Because you’re wearing the Monsignor’s slippers, my dear.”

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  • The Holy Water Fountain

    Father Rick has lately gotten news that some of the Sisters had been naughty, and he decided to take action. He gathered the Nuns and made them line up in front of the church’s courtyard fountain of holy water.

    “Now sisters. I understand that desire can be strong. But today you wash away your sins. You name your sin and wash it away with the holy water.”

    The first nun in line admits to having peeked and stared at a penis, so she washes her eyes with the holy water. The second nun admitted to having touched a penis, so she washes her hand in the holy water…

    Then, suddenly, Sister Clarice starts bumping all the other nuns to get to the front of the line.

    “Sister, sister, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but everybody will get their turn.”

    “Well, I’ll tell you what, Father. If I must gargle this holy water, I’m sure going to do it before Sister Marie dunks her ass in it!”

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  • Bounty on Me Head

    A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “What’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?”

    The pirate says, “There’s Bounty on me head.”

  • Missing You

    After an argument a husband sat in his work room throwing darts at a photo of his wife but not a single one hits the target.

    From upstairs his wife asks him, “What are you doing?”

    He replies, “Missing you!”

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