The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.
Joke Type: sexual innuendo
Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close,
I’m terrible at remembering sayings. I can usually come close, but close only counts in haircuts and handjobs.
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When I told my wife I was interested in a threesome, she said
When I told my wife I was interested in a threesome, she said she “didn’t know what to do with that information.” Okay, Honey, let me help: Tell your hairdresser we want to fuck her seven ways to Sunday.
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The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire
The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire people to fuck me, I can ask to re-interview them over and over.
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When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too
When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too worried. Either any residual spirits would be gone within the week, or they’d be into watching a guy whack off to chubby-chick porn six times a day, in which case they’re my kind of ghosts.
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Sometimes a girl just needs to hear those three little words:
Sometimes a girl just needs to hear those three little words: “I’d hit that.”
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Sure, a big penis might please the ladies a little more, but it
Sure, a big penis might please the ladies a little more, but it would mean a LOT more work for me when I’m by myself, and that happens WAY more often.
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The Nick Smith Theorem of Wanking: The amount of sex I’m getting
The Nick Smith Theorem of Wanking: The amount of sex I’m getting is inversely proportionate to how much my right arm hurts.
