I’m not saying my boyfriend’s penis is small, I’m just saying I should probably be able to tell the difference between fucking and acupuncture.
Joke Type: sexual innuendo
Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
-
If zombies survived by eating genitalia instead of brains, I’ll
If zombies survived by eating genitalia instead of brains, I’ll bet there would be more than a few living guys who, when faced with an imminent attack, would consider it, then say, “What the hell…”
-
I like to do it doggy-style. That’s where I growl at my husband,
I like to do it doggy-style. That’s where I growl at my husband, then lift my leg and pee on him.
-
My girlfriend gives the best blowjobs EVER. It’s not the
My girlfriend gives the best blowjobs EVER. It’s not the penis-in-the-mouth part that so great, though — it’s the part where she doesn’t get mad at me for pretending that I’m Captain Kirk and she’s Mr. Spock.
-
My boyfriend and I play this little game where I sext him “Guess
My boyfriend and I play this little game where I sext him “Guess where my finger is now” and he guesses. It’s weird, though, how he never guesses “in the cat’s ass.”
-
The great thing about being bisexual is that you can get revenge
The great thing about being bisexual is that you can get revenge on a woman who turns you down by telling her you were only hitting on her for a shot at blowing her nearby friend.
-
My boyfriend and I were frustrated because we never seem to be
My boyfriend and I were frustrated because we never seem to be on a vacant-enough flight to join the mile-high club, so instead we ate a handful of mushrooms and fucked. That still counts, right?
-
If I wrote Star Trek, the Prime Directive would be “Face down,
If I wrote Star Trek, the Prime Directive would be “Face down, ass up.” Maybe that’s why I don’t do well with Trekkers.
-
There is no “I” in “team,” but there are at least six eyes in a
There is no “I” in “team,” but there are at least six eyes in a Daisy Chain.
-
I like to tease my boyfriend by telling him I’m about to get
I like to tease my boyfriend by telling him I’m about to get hot, wet and naked. Dork thinks I’m taking a shower when I’m actually attending a giant lesbian orgy.
