Joke Type: sexual innuendo

Sexual innuendo jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t

After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t remember whether she told me that she was a “virgin” or a “vegan.” So on our first date I hedged my bets by banging her *and* bringing her a salad.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let you cum in my hair.
Memo to my blind date: It doesn’t matter if I’m a virgin or a

Memo to my blind date: It doesn’t matter if I’m a virgin or a vegan, I just wanted you to eat ME, dork.
When my boyfriend sent me to get a Brazilian, I first thought I

When my boyfriend sent me to get a Brazilian, I first thought I was going to fuck a hot chick from Rio. Either way, now I can’t fucking walk.
I was having lunch with my girlfriend the other day when I

I was having lunch with my girlfriend the other day when I unexpectedly got a really fierce hard-on. Sure, it was kind of embarrassing, but at least I had somewhere to put the pineapple rings when I went for seconds at the buffet.
I went up to a gorgeous woman in a bar and said, “You know, you

I went up to a gorgeous woman in a bar and said, “You know, you can’t spell ‘cunnilingus’ without ‘us.’” She made a fist and said, “And you can’t spell ‘blowjob’ without ‘ow’!”
Hey, if you don’t want your ball inflated, don’t ask me to blow you

Hey, if you don’t want your ball inflated, don’t ask me to blow you.
I think maybe “all that AND a bag of chips” was a bad response

I think maybe “all that AND a bag of chips” was a bad response when my boyfriend asked me what I stuck in his ass.
My girlfriend is going to dress up as a “naughty nurse” for the

My girlfriend is going to dress up as a “naughty nurse” for the Halloween party we’re attending. Awesome! When we get back home, tonight’s rectal thermometer session will be that much more authentic.
They say it isn’t the size of the boat, but the motion of the

They say it isn’t the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. While there’s some truth to that, you can’t make too many waves if you’re only piloting a dinghy.