When you’re about to eat Mexican food and you know somebody else will clean your ass
Sensitivity: Questionable
Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Overnight at the Grandkids
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their grandkids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his grandson’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The grandson said, “I don’t think you should take one. They’re very strong and very expensive.”
“How much?” asked Grandpa.
“$20 a pill,” he replied.
“I don’t care,” said Grandpa. “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.”
The next morning, the grandson found $120 under his pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $20, not $120.”
“I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”
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Cannibal Tribe and the Three Politicians
A Republican, a Libertarian, and a Democrat are captured by a cannibal tribe in a dense jungle. The tribe chief gives them a final chance to save their lives:
“Go into the jungle and bring back ten pieces of any single fruit you can find.”
The Republican returns first with ten apples.
The chief says: “Now, if you can shove all ten apples up your ass without making any sound or expression on your face, we won’t eat you.”
The Republican manages one, but at the second apple, he winces in pain. The tribe eats him.
The Libertarian returns next with ten tiny berries.
The chief gives him the same rule.
The Libertarian gets to the ninth berry with complete silence… but suddenly, right before the tenth one, he bursts out laughing hysterically! The tribe eats him too.
In heaven, the Republican meets the Libertarian and asks: “Dude, you were so close! Why on earth did you laugh on the last berry?”
The Libertarian replies: “I couldn’t help it… I saw the Democrat coming back with ten watermelons!”
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You Can Always Tell
You can always tell if a man masturbates a lot by looking at his hands…
If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
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Old woman watching porn on my phone
A very old woman sitting next to me on the train was watching hardcore porn
on my phone.
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Grandpa Lived to a Hundred
An annoyed lady approaches Little Johnny after watching him eat a bag of candy for some time.
“You know little boy, eating that much candy isn’t good for you!”
“Oh yeah, well my grandpa lived to be a hundred.”
“Oh really? But did he eat a lot of candy?”
“No, but he minded his own fucking business!”
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Little Johnny Vocabulary Check
An older neighbor runs into Little Johnny as he’s coming home from school
“How are you, Johnny?”
“Fine.”
“And how is school?”
“Fine.”
“And how are your parents doing?”
“Fine.”
“Tell me, do you have any other words in your vocabulary besides ‘Fine’?”
“Dad said I’m not allowed to say ‘Fuck Off’ yet.”
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Three Men Comparing How Dumb Their Blonde Wives Are
Three men were comparing how dumb their blonde wives were.
The first man said, “My wife is so dumb, she can’t do math past the third-grade level!”
The second man said, “Oh yeah? My wife is so dumb, she thinks Cheerios are earrings!”
The third man said, “I’ve got you both beat! My wife is so dumb, she was packing to go on a girls trip last week, and she must have packed a hundred condoms. And she doesn’t even have a single penis!”
