Delivery Style: deadpan

Deadpan joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • But When I Do, There It Is

    I don’t always whoomp.

    But when I do, there it is.

  • I Would Like to Do It Again

    My wife hasn’t spoken to me in 3 days and I have no idea what I did.

    Which is fucked up, because I would like to do it again.

  • Painted It Black So It Would Run Faster

    I just bought a new laptop and painted it black so it would run faster…

    Instead, it just stopped working and stole all my data…

  • She Really Means Well

    My wife just yelled that I should “fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth filled with water and die.”

    I know she really means well.

  • Consumed by His Own Pride

    Did you hear about the arrogant lion tamer?

    He was consumed by his own pride.

  • Everything Before That Was a Blur

    One of my earliest childhood memories was visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.

    Everything before that was a blur.

  • Just Stationery

    I can’t figure out why my paper airplane won’t take off…

    I guess it’s just stationery.

  • You’ll Get Used to It

    My wife and I went to Subway for lunch. She ordered us a footlong to split. I told her 6″ wasn’t enough.

    She replied, “You’ll get used to it!”

  • How About Now

    My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

    I replied, “No.”

    She responded, “How about now?”

  • As Hot Today as 50 Years Ago

    Old lady says to her husband, “My nipples are as hot today as they were 50 years ago.”

    Her husband says, “They ought to be. One is in coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”