Sensitivity: Questionable

Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Scenic Drive

    After coming home late, my wife was furious and asked where I was. I told her I was playing poker with my friends.

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    She refused to talk to me, so I took her out on a long scenic drive.

    Her mood eventually improved, and looking out the window, she sighed, “What a beautiful view. I wish we could spend the rest of our lives right here.”

    I said, “Well, your wish just came true… because you won’t believe what happened at poker.”

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  • Romantic Nostalgia

    An elderly couple had just climbed into bed for the night.

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    As they lay in the dark, the wife felt a wave of romantic nostalgia.

    “Honey,” she whispered, “remember how you used to hold my hand when we were courting?”

    The husband sighed, reached over, took her hand, squeezed it gently, and settled back down.

    A few minutes later, she whispered, “And remember how you used to lean over and give me a sweet little kiss on the cheek?”

    The husband sighed again, rolled over, kissed her cheek, and tucked himself back in.

    Another minute passed.

    “And remember how you used to softly nibble on my neck and ear?”

    Suddenly, the husband threw off the blankets, swung his legs out of bed, and stood up.

    Startled, the wife asked, “Honey, where are you going?”

    Without looking back, he muttered, “To the bathroom to get my teeth!”

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  • What Turns You On More

    A wife gets naked and asks her husband, “What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?”

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    Her husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, “Your sense of humor.”

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  • Why Bill Clinton Stopped Playing the Saxophone

    Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?

    To take up more time playing that harmonica.

  • At The Dentist

    “I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” a woman told her dentist.

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    He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”

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  • Three Pregnant Women at the Bar

    Three women were sitting in a bar, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. They were all pregnant.

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    The brunette says, “I know what I’m going to have.” The other two asked how.

    She replied, “Well, I was on top when I conceived, so I will have a baby boy.”

    The redhead said, “If your logic is correct, then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.”

    The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, “PUPPIES, PUPPIES!”

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  • Friday Afternoon at the Bar

    A guy walked into his local bar one Friday afternoon right after clocking out of work.

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    Stepping up to the counter, he spotted his good friend Joe slamming back two double shots in a row, wearing a thoroughly miserable scowl.

    “What’s with the long face, Joe?” the guy asked, taking a seat beside him.

    Joe let out a heavy sigh. “My wife sat me down this morning and told me she’s putting me on a strict schedule. From now on, she’s only going to sleep with me on Mondays and Thursdays.”

    His buddy clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Come on, cheer up! Look on the bright side… she’s cut the rest of us off completely.”

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  • An Ad for a Husband

    A woman places an ad for a husband: Must not lay a hand to me, must not run around on me, and must be good in bed.

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    A couple of days later the doorbell rings and she answers the door.

    Sitting on her porch is a man in a wheelchair with no arms nor legs.

    She says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood the ad.”

    The man asks, “Why? I have no arms, so I won’t lay a hand to you, and I have no legs, so I won’t run around on you.”

    The woman replies, “But the ad also said you had to be good in bed.”

    The man says, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

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  • How to summon

    How to summon

    HOW TO SUMMON

    CHILD SUPPORT

  • If you meet a woman that admits she’s wrong

    If you meet a woman that admits she’s wrong

    If you meet a woman that admits she’s wrong, apologises & changes her ways. Dump her, that might be a man, women don’t do that.