Not only does history repeat itself, it increasingly forgets where it put its keys.
Meh Thoughts
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I’m not one of those guys who could ever live in his parents’ basement.
I’m not one of those guys who could ever live in his parents’ basement. I mean, not unless they, like, built one.
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My Sock Fell Off
My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent…
So, I woke him up at 2am to tell him my sock fell off and then again at 4 to tell him I needed to pee.
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In the tradition of Radio Shack, Pizza Hut, and Pottery Barn, I’m launching my new
In the tradition of Radio Shack, Pizza Hut, and Pottery Barn, I’m launching my new pharmacy chain: Drug Attic.
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Don’t you hate it when the car behind you rams into yours and you can’t get mad because
Don’t you hate it when the car behind you rams into yours and you can’t get mad because that person’s car was actually already parked and the driver wasn’t even there when it happened?
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Growing up, I loved learning about outer space.
Growing up, I loved learning about outer space. When my idiot parents then suggested I should study to become a cosmetologist, I laughed in their faces. Like I’d be content to be an expert on *just* cosmets — how lame!
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Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
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I admit, I am as attracted to a pretty woman in a nice outfit as much as the next guy,
I admit, I am as attracted to a pretty woman in a nice outfit as much as the next guy, but I prefer to think that it’s what’s inside her pants that is most important.
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Show it your cross
Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village when suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush.
The first nun screams to her friend, “Quick, show it your cross!”
“Get the fuck out of the way!” she yells.
