I shot the sheriff and the deputy.
Now there’s nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me from being together!
Meh Thoughts
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Nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me
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I’d imagine one of the cooler aspects of working in a crime lab
I’d imagine one of the cooler aspects of working in a crime lab is that you could tell with 99.916% accuracy what douchenozzle co-worker keeps shedding his corkscrew pubes all over the urinal.
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This morning I was licking a delicious Tootsie Roll and thought
This morning I was licking a delicious Tootsie Roll and thought to myself, “Who cares how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center? It’s the licking for hours I’m good at and enjoy so much.”
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Well, I killed my own grandfather and here I am!
Well, I killed my own grandfather and here I am! Guess there’s no paradox when time travel isn’t involved.
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I don’t think I’ll get that promotion after all.
I don’t think I’ll get that promotion after all. During my annual performance review, my boss spent most of the time beating me on the head with a yachting cap like the Skipper did Gilligan.
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Lemons Painted Like Hand Grenades
When life gives you lemons, paint them up like hand grenades and hijack a plane to Cuba.
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Now I want to break three
I was going through my old stuff when I broke two Queen records.
Now I want to break three. -
My wife told me: “I need you like the desert needs the rain…
My wife told me: “I need you like the desert needs the rain… once, maybe twice a year, for no more than twenty minutes.”
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Three Legs. To Me, That’s an Exotic Dancer
Three legs. To me, that’s an exotic dancer.
