I like dating really short guys so that when we get into a fight, I can piss them off by saying, “We’re not currently seeing tit-to-eye.”
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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The song says you can’t hurry love, yet my boyfriend manages to
The song says you can’t hurry love, yet my boyfriend manages to cum in less than 60 seconds every damn time.
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If Your Girlfriend Starts Smoking
If your girlfriend starts smoking….
…slow down, and use a lubricant.
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They’ll Turn on You
Never trust a doorknob.
They’ll turn on you.
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Lifting up my bra in New Orleans should have gotten me a
Lifting up my bra in New Orleans should have gotten me a standing ovation, but “that don’t help the houses get built!” according to my douchebag Habitat for Humanity supervisor.
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Recruit a few disciples
When I face a problem, I stop and ask myself, “What would Jesus do?” It works. Drinking wine, sitting around talking, drinking more wine, telling parables, drinking more wine, and talking to God really does pretty much solve any problem I have. Now if only I could recruit a few disciples.
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He’s pure bread
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep biting him.
I should have known better.He’s pure bread!
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“HOLY MACKEREL!” I exclaimed as I finally came. I never imagined
“HOLY MACKEREL!” I exclaimed as I finally came. I never imagined how great the sensation would be when fucking a pierced fish corpse.
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Never Forget: A Witty Reminder
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said you’d never forget!!!
