True fact:
Before the crowbar was invented…
…most crows drank at home.
Meh Thoughts
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Before the Crowbar Was Invented
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Don’t think of it as losing your virginity; think of it as gaining a free ride home on
Don’t think of it as losing your virginity; think of it as gaining a free ride home on the back of a motorcycle.
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One day a neighbor kid named Billy and I spent a whole afternoon and well into the night
One day a neighbor kid named Billy and I spent a whole afternoon and well into the night digging a hole in the back yard with a spoon and a little plastic beach pail. We were going to find buried treasure or dig all the way to China — who knows? The important thing was that it took our minds off of what a great time our more popular classmates were probably having that night at the senior prom.
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I think it’s pretty pointless to pee in the shower to save water by flushing the toilet
I think it’s pretty pointless to pee in the shower to save water by flushing the toilet less. The real savings are generated by BATHING in the toilet.
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My Friend Is Making a Documentary Series
My friend is making a documentary series on how to fly an airplane.
He’s currently filming the pilot.
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It Just Kept Ringing
I called the tinnitus hotline yesterday.
It just kept ringing.
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Today’s Intelligence World Changes So Rapidly
Today’s intelligence world changes so rapidly; it’s all the CIA can do to pretend not to keep up.
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A complete prick
When I first met Richard Peter Johnson, he seemed like a decent guy, but he turned out to be a complete prick.
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(Bonnie) I’m a conservationist at heart and take pride in my
(Bonnie) I’m a conservationist at heart and take pride in my innovative recycling ideas. Did you know an old dildo works great as an egg-beater? Yup, you’ll get light, fluffy eggs every time.
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I told him that it wasn’t working out because we’re just apples and oranges.
I told him that it wasn’t working out because we’re just apples and oranges. Of course, I’m the sweet, sun-ripened, kissed-by-God-Himself orange and he’s the rotten, fly-infested apple that’s stuck to the bottom of my wastebasket because he was “too busy” to put a new bag in it.
