I swallowed a bunch of synonyms today.
I’ve got the thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
Meh Thoughts
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Penguin Covered in Mustard
Penguins are funny. Mustard is funny. But do you think a penguin covered in mustard would be funny? I don’t know, but it might help if he were wearing a bib, ’cause bibs are funny.
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Feeling a Little Down
I was in a good mood till I started petting a duckling in the park.
Then I started feeling a little down.
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It’s a shame that whether or not I had a good Christmas will mostly be determined by
It’s a shame that whether or not I had a good Christmas will mostly be determined by whether the world ends before I receive my credit card bill.
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My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m
My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her? Hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”
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My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I
My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I will fuck you up. Also, I can lightly brown a bagel like a motherfucker.
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If I had a nickel for every Rumination that mentioned my tits,
If I had a nickel for every Rumination that mentioned my tits, I’d stick them on my tits. I’ll bet they’d make *awesome* pasties.
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If Your Girlfriend Starts Smoking
If your girlfriend starts smoking….
…slow down, and use a lubricant.
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A Heroic Cow
What do you call a heroic cow?
Legend dairy.
