The 69th wedding anniversary should be the dildo anniversary. Not only is the number appropriate, but you’re definitely not fucking anyone by then.
Meh Thoughts
-
My wife did a bong hit right before performing analingus on me.
My wife did a bong hit right before performing analingus on me. She says she enjoyed the experience, but I think she was just blowing smoke up my ass.
-
At first I wanted my son to become the best golfer in the world
At first I wanted my son to become the best golfer in the world so he could become rich and respected. Now I want him to become the best golfer in the world so he can introduce me to some lusciously sweet hos.
-
I have to admit, I felt kind of ripped off when I couldn’t see any scrub brush- bottomed
I have to admit, I felt kind of ripped off when I couldn’t see any scrub brush- bottomed bubble dudes spraying out of the bathroom cleaner can. Guess I need to huff it a little deeper next time.
-
Butterflies in my stomach
I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.
-
I don’t mind that the lady was breast feeding her kid in the middle of the airport.
I don’t mind that the lady was breast feeding her kid in the middle of the airport. I don’t even mind that the kid was way too old to still be breast fed. What set me off was her letting the airline employees watch, then them upgrading her to first class.
-
After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t
After I called a woman for a blind date last week, I couldn’t remember whether she told me that she was a “virgin” or a “vegan.” So on our first date I hedged my bets by banging her *and* bringing her a salad.
-
She Was a Mathmachicken
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathmachicken.
-
I like using the iPhone to send pictures of myself totally nude
I like using the iPhone to send pictures of myself totally nude to my boyfriend, but the lighting in these Apple stores sucks.
-
I’d have to think giving a woman “nine ladies dancing” and “eight maids a milking” would
I’d have to think giving a woman “nine ladies dancing” and “eight maids a milking” would only impress her if she’s a lesbian with a serious multiple-partner fetish.
