I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Stop Visiting Those Painful Places!
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Those are just contractions
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.” -
Couldn’t see himself wearing them
Why did the short-sighted vampire refuse to get glasses?
He just couldn’t see himself wearing them. -
Unremovable Bra: The Ultimate Booby Trap!
What do you call a bra that you can’t take off?
A booby trap. -
Motherfucker, stand back while I BLOW YOUR MIND. – Why I’m not
Motherfucker, stand back while I BLOW YOUR MIND. – Why I’m not allowed to play trains with my niece
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Although I’d totally misunderstood the term “glory hole,” after
Although I’d totally misunderstood the term “glory hole,” after I dropped to my knees and prayed with all my might, my exact wish showed up in the little hole! Truly, the lord is great!
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Lifeguard Certification Test
I took my lifeguard certification test the other day, but failed miserably. It turns out you need to do more than just run up and down the beach in slow motion.
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Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet. More on this story as it unfolds.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet. More on this story as it unfolds.
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Man in the Mirror
I heard Michael Jackson singing about the “Man in the Mirror.” What, was there somebody standing behind him?
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The Condom Flew Across the Room
Why did the condom fly across the room?
Because it got really pissed off.
