Meh Thoughts

Meh thoughts

Short thoughts for long downward spirals

Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.

  • Ketchup with old friends again

    I just got back from the annual Condiment Convention.

    It was nice to ketchup with old friends again.

  • (Daina Schatz / @dsschatz) My wife promised me a hummer for my

    (Daina Schatz / @dsschatz) My wife promised me a hummer for my birthday, so I was very disappointed to find a $50,000 SUV in my driveway.

  • Hot Glue

    If you’re trying to mend a broken relationship, keep in mind that hot glue is only a temporary solution.

  • From Despair to Hope: A Healing Shift

    I woke up this morning and I felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin.

    But after the first two, I felt better.

  • Well, I guess I’m not going to host a foreign exchange student

    Well, I guess I’m not going to host a foreign exchange student after all. Here’s a tip: You don’t want to specifically ask to get a sexy uninhibited Italian girl with huge tits. That seems to raise a red flag with the interviewers.

  • Spilled Lemonade

    What did Adolf Hitler do when he spilled his lemonade all over the table?

    He wiped off the “Juice.”

  • You Already Know How to Play Tennis

    My wife walked in on me watching Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis.

    As she left the room she said, “Turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis.”

  • I Just Looked Next to the Potatoes

    I was out to dinner and the waitress asked, “How did you find your steak, sir?”

    I told her, “I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.”

  • Free of charge

    The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

    They gave me another one, free of charge.

  • Came out of the closet

    While the police are wrongly referring to it as an aborted attempt to rob a convenience store, I couldn’t be prouder that I finally came out of the closet with my pantyhose fetish.

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