Live each moment as if it were your last. Life becomes more enjoyable if you think you’re about to die.
Meh Thoughts
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My wife did a bong hit right before performing analingus on me.
My wife did a bong hit right before performing analingus on me. She says she enjoyed the experience, but I think she was just blowing smoke up my ass.
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If your heart tells you one thing and your head another, give the deciding vote to your
If your heart tells you one thing and your head another, give the deciding vote to your ass.
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I once saw a beaver on the side of the road and was disappointed because he was just
I once saw a beaver on the side of the road and was disappointed because he was just sitting there, seemingly doing nothing. Then I realized he was probably just watching for the cops while the other beavers were busy stripping a stolen Camaro for parts.
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Respectful Farewell or Evidence Elimination?
So when they burn a body at the crematorium, it’s “a respectful farewell to the departed.”
But when I do it, it’s “destroying evidence.”
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Sweet Car Online
I just heard that Neil Diamond has sold his car on eBay…
It’s a sweet car online.
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More Than Six
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well, I know it’s more than six because my basement is still dark.
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I had to cat sit this weekend for Erwin Schrodinger.
I had to cat sit this weekend for Erwin Schrodinger. I may or may not have some bad news for him.
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I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary
I’m hoping that when I finally meet my Great Reward, my obituary will say, “He died doing what he loved: coming up with filthy Ruminations on the shitter.”
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I’ve noticed when playing “Grand Theft Auto” over the years that I’m great at driving,
I’ve noticed when playing “Grand Theft Auto” over the years that I’m great at driving, but terrible at killing hookers. Life really does imitate art.
