I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.
Meh Thoughts
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I think time is crucial to anything.
I think time is crucial to anything. For example, if you lock an infinite number of monkeys in a room with those typewriters, but you limit the amount of time they have to write, the best you’ll get out of them is the pilot to “The Dukes of Hazzard.”
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Probably something involving bees
If hell is having to watch your worst decisions over and over forever, I really hope they give you a better judgment system than you had when you made those decisions. If they don’t, they’ll have to sit and explain to you why you were wrong. And chances are they still won’t get through to you. Then they’ll have to think up some new punishment. Probably something involving bees.
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I’m not addicted to my smartphone.
I’m not addicted to my smartphone. I can stop anytime the battery runs out.
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I saw a quote that said: “Don’t say you don’t have time.
I saw a quote that said: “Don’t say you don’t have time. You have as much time as Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison did.” Yeah, but they were smarter than I am.
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Jesus, I’m not sure things will ever be the same between me and
Jesus, I’m not sure things will ever be the same between me and my girlfriend. I could’ve SWORN she said she wanted a squirrel necklace.
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Miced Onions
It’s a good idea to pay close attention to the recipe when you cook. That way you won’t spend a whole day looking for miced onions.
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So They Don’t Poke Your Eye Out
Why are pubic hairs curly?
So they don’t poke your eye out.
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How do I know I’m older and wiser?
How do I know I’m older and wiser? I used to skip school to watch MTV. Now I just skip MTV.
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Bill Cosby must feel good knowing the people who released doves
Bill Cosby must feel good knowing the people who released doves outside Michael Jackson’s child molestation trial might still love him.
