Meh Thoughts

  • Knock Yourself Out

    I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia.

    He said, “Sure, knock yourself out.”

  • Fool Me -(n) Times

    Fool me zero times, shame on nobody.

    Fool me -(n) times, where nA = {x ∈ ℝ | 0 < x ≤ 1}, -(shame) on you.

  • I Seriously Doubt My Mom Would Go for It

    I don’t think I could ever be “born again,” like some of those Evangelicals I see. I don’t remember much from the first time, but umbilical cords freak me out, and I seriously doubt my mom would go for it.

  • The Hard Disk

    Last night, my friends and I went to a geek strip club called “The Hard Disk.” Lame, you say? What if I told you they only charged $20 for a laptop dance?

  • Your Chance of Getting Hit by Lightning

    It’s silly to worry about storms.

    Your chance of getting hit by lightning is exactly the same as your chance of getting hit by lightning.

  • How Many Men Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb

    How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

    Four — one to actually change it and three friends to brag to about how he screwed it.

  • It Will Be Missed

    I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.

    It will be missed.

  • It Was Instant

    A man died after falling into a vat of coffee.

    His wife told reporters, “At least he didn’t suffer — it was instant.”

  • If Your Girlfriend Starts Smoking

    If your girlfriend starts smoking….

    …slow down, and use a lubricant.

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