My friend asked me what the ninth letter of the alphabet was.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
Meh Thoughts
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You Already Know How to Play Tennis
My wife walked in on me watching Internet porn so I quickly switched to a YouTube video on tennis.
As she left the room she said, “Turn it back to the porn, you already know how to play tennis.”
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Jesus Doesn’t Drink
Why doesn’t Jesus drink?
Because the last time he got hammered, it took him 3 days to recover.
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Cunning Runts
What’s the difference between a bunch of pygmies and the Stanford women’s track team?
The pygmies are cunning runts.
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A Crusty Bus Station
What’s the difference between a crab with breast implants and a transportation terminal?
One’s a crusty bus station.
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One Snatches Watches
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches watches.
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Cunning Stunts
What’s the difference between a magician’s wand and a policeman’s taser?
The magician’s wand is for cunning stunts.
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If It Gets Any Worse I’ll Have to Let Her In
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the window.
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
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Onions Was Such a Good Dog
One day when I was young I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad cutting up onions, and just everything came over me I broke down crying. Onions was such a good dog.
