Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.
When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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“There’s a one letter difference between ‘heroes’ and ‘herpes,’
“There’s a one letter difference between ‘heroes’ and ‘herpes,’ so choose wisely, kids.” Why I’m not allowed to speak at schools anymore.
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She’s Intuit
I convinced my wife to do a sexy role play with me where we pretend to be financial corporations.
She’s Intuit.
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My Real Life
I would be completely happy to just live in my dreams, if it weren’t for my girlfriend repeatedly changing into Hitler. No, wait a minute — that’s my real life.
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Vanished Without a Tres
I recently attended a magic show in Mexico…
The magician said, “Uno, dos,” and then vanished without a tres.
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High Maintenance? I’m Outta Here!
I had a fling with a lady janitor, she was always stoned so I had to break it off with her…
I’m just not into high maintenance women! -
It’s tough being on the road so much, away from my wife and
It’s tough being on the road so much, away from my wife and family. However, it helps me to listen to Journey’s “Faithfully” while I’m driving one home in the Motel 6 cleaning lady.
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Russian Roulette: A Surprising Safety Story
I interviewed 10,000 thousand people who had played Russian roulette and not a single one of them were harmed from the game.
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If I Were God
If I were god, I’d wait till the seventh day and try to do it all that evening, but then I’d probably get sidetracked when I invented Comedy Central and I’d have to ask for an extension on the eighth day. And if I didn’t get it, who cares? I’m god!
