My girlfriend is all pissed off because I ruined her Mickey Mouse bobblehead. I maintain that with all that alcohol in my system, it looked exactly like a butt plug.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Stumped
I’ve been trying to come up with a good tree joke, but I’m stumped.
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Only time would tell
The frogs looked real. In fact, I was sure they were. But could they play those little musical instruments, especially burdened by that patina of lacquer inhibiting their movement? Only time would tell, and I had all night.
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I just paid $35 for a 2 mile taxi ride to the laundromat. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners.
I just paid $35 for a 2 mile taxi ride to the laundromat. I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners.
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Evidently, some guys consider less-than-manly the idea of a man
Evidently, some guys consider less-than-manly the idea of a man making lunch for his wife before he leaves for work. At least that would explain the snickering when I told my co-workers that I tossed my wife’s salad this morning.
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My girlfriend’s favorite sexual thing is reverse cowgirl. First
My girlfriend’s favorite sexual thing is reverse cowgirl. First she farts repeatedly, then she eats beans from a can by the campfire.
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Hey, if my boyfriend’s penis could spurt chocolate, I’d never
Hey, if my boyfriend’s penis could spurt chocolate, I’d never take the damn thing OUT of my mouth.
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During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming,
During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming, shitting and masturbating. Last time I preach to monkeys at the zoo.
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No Place to Park
I got a job at a company that makes fire hydrants…
…but I had to quit. There was no place to park.
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If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be
If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be turned down by women I want to sleep with. Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at handling that kind of rejection.
