Don’t get me wrong, I love watching kids grow up. It’s just that some of them are creeped out by a guy staring at the top of their heads. /@b0nrmunky
Meh Thoughts
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I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta
I think a better name for a threesome is “Trifuckta.”
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Before the Crowbar Was Invented
Before the crowbar was invented, I bet that crows used to just drink at home.
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If you ask me, packing your top five favorite albums for any trip is just begging for
If you ask me, packing your top five favorite albums for any trip is just begging for trouble.
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They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better
They say a dog’s sense of smell is thousands of times better than that of a human. If that’s the case, why do dogs have to get their nose so damn close when sniffing each others butts?
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Giant Robotic Parrot
If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that my idea for melting down coins to make a giant robotic parrot was a bad idea, I would have one kickass giant robotic parrot.
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Onions Was Such a Good Dog
One day when I was young I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad cutting up onions, and just everything came over me I broke down crying. Onions was such a good dog.
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Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there’s at least one thing upon
Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there’s at least one thing upon which all faiths and creeds around the world can agree: There are serious and obvious flaws in all religions except their own.
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Refuse to Work Sundaes
I quit my job at the ice cream factory.
I refuse to work sundaes.
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Whew, thank goodness Week Without Showering is over! I was
Whew, thank goodness Week Without Showering is over! I was feeling pretty scummy. Not as scummy as Week Without Wiping, but still.
