You can tell you’ve reached a severe life turning point when your cock cravings no longer take you to singles bars, but to KFC.
Meh Thoughts
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Nothing says “Good morning” like bleeding ‘rhoids
Nothing says “Good morning” like bleeding ‘rhoids.
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$50 Every Time
My current girlfriend loves to give blowjobs. Then again, so would I if I got $50 every time I did it.
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I hate cargo pants, mainly because of the name.
I hate cargo pants, mainly because of the name. I don’t really need that constant reminder that my ass is big enough to be shipped as freight.
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“Give me freedom or give me death!”
“Give me freedom or give me death!” could possibly result in you getting death, so I invented a safer version. I approach a group of women and cry, “Give me freedom or give me sex!” Guaranteed freedom — albeit with some restrictions in the restraining order.
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I didn’t think it hurt that much
I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
“Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.” -
I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks.
I’m not a coffee guy, so I’m never sure what to order at Starbucks. Today I got the Vanilla Blonde Roast, because I really like all three of those separately.
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They just closed another massage parlor in my neighborhood. I
They just closed another massage parlor in my neighborhood. I guess people just aren’t coming like they used to.
