As with “Joe Millionaire,” I can’t wait until the last episode of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” when the players candidly admit to America that they lied and they’re not really celebrities after all.
Meh Thoughts
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Why Do You Have to Be Careful When Trees Start Dropping Feathers Instead of Leaves
Why do you have to be careful when trees start dropping feathers instead of leaves?
It could be your down-fall.
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I Have Never Been a Mourning Person
I have a friend who passed away recently and they are having the funeral at 7am. I’ve decided not to go… I have never been a mourning person.
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It definitely wouldn’t be this one
I saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot.
He noticed me looking at him and said, “He’s mine. I’m not stealing him or anything.”
Before I could reply, he added, “If I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn’t be this asshole.”
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One Man’s Junk Is Another Man’s Treasure
Why are gay dating sites so popular?
Because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
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How About Now
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
I replied, “No.”
She responded, “How about now?”
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You know how they say “Turn your head and cough”?
You know how they say “Turn your head and cough”? That is so they don’t get germs in your face. At least that’s how the guy in my bus station does it. /@b0nrmunky
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My girlfriend and I had a really nasty fight, but afterward we had amazing makeup sex:
My girlfriend and I had a really nasty fight, but afterward we had amazing makeup sex: She hooked up with her ex while I hired a prostitute.
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No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered
No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered her family originates from the former Soviet republic of Nojugsistan.
