If I were a midget used-car dealer, my motto would be “You can trust me as far as you can throw me.”
Meh Thoughts
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The Cola Wars
Call me embittered, but I lost a mother and two brothers to the Cola Wars, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose my pop!
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Molotov Was a Beer Drinker
I’ve got ten dollars that says Molotov was a beer drinker.
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Elephant Trunk Size
In the elephant world, are dude elephants with longer trunks considered to be more manly? It probably doesn’t matter much, because I doubt a chick elephant can really tell the difference between a 9-foot-long trunk and an 8-foot-long one, unless it’s a G-spot-reaching difference.
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Neither Repeating Nor Terminating
My math teacher calls the 14th of March “Pi Day” because it’s 3/14. I celebrated by neither repeating nor terminating for the whole day.
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The Meaning of Cheese
When I stop to think about the meaning of life, I sometimes sigh and wonder if perhaps there’s more to all this than just the delicious taste of cheese and cheese-based products.
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Bad Cell Phone Connection
When my wife said we were breaking up, I thought she was referring to a bad cell phone connection. Now I’m not so sure, since she hasn’t come home in three weeks — and we don’t have a cell phone.
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Man in the Mirror
I heard Michael Jackson singing about the “Man in the Mirror.” What, was there somebody standing behind him?
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Yeehaw or Heeyaw
I need to know something: Is it “Yeehaw” or “Heeyaw”? I’m riding in my first rodeo and don’t want to sound like a total idiot.
