Meh Thoughts

  • Never Really That Into Her

    So sad news, my girlfriend broke up with me for having a small penis.

    It’s OK… I was never really that into her.

  • They Prefer to Eat Out

    Why don’t lesbians ever get their pizza delivered? They prefer to eat out.

  • Poop Deck Confusion Lands Lifetime Cruise Ban

    I haven’t been allowed back on a cruise ship ever since that whole ‘poop deck’ misunderstanding.

  • Wife’s Anatomy: Not What I Expected

    My wife says it’s okay to have a little penis. I still wish she didn’t have one, though.

  • Removing It From the Church

    What’s the hardest part of being an organ donor?

    Removing it from the church.

  • Ugly and Poor

    Women call me ugly only until they find how much I make.

    Then they call me ugly and poor!!

  • The Computer

    Do you know why people call me “The Computer”?

    I fall asleep if left unattended for 5 minutes.

  • Really Useful IRS Website

    If the IRS wanted to put something really useful on their website, how about a list of countries that don’t have an extradition treaty with the U.S.?

  • Alive With the Sound of Muzak

    Nothing sours my holiday mood like surly people at the mall, especially ones who are unimpressed by my jubilant proclamation that my groin is alive with the sound of Muzak.

  • Firing My Slingshot at Target

    The mall security dude arrested me for firing my slingshot at Target. Come on, they were asking for it!

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