Meh Thoughts

  • Yellow French’s

    If Saddam Hussein ever kills me with mustard gas, I hope it’s the yellow French’s kind, and not that brown Dijon stuff. I always hated that foo-foo gourmet crap.

  • Best-Selling Children’s Author

    If I were a best-selling children’s author, I’d write a book about how these cool little kids and their cute woodland friends made Santa very happy by taking all the money out of Mommy’s wallet and mailing it to my PO Box.

  • Free Budweiser, Next Right

    Someone should put up a sign next to a NASCAR track reading “FREE BUDWEISER, NEXT RIGHT.”

  • Bud Bowl

    I kind of miss the “Bud Bowl” — not because I watched it so much as because I enjoyed hearing my stoner roommates snicker in between handfuls of Funyuns every time the phrase was uttered on TV.

  • Eat the Sauce

    I wonder if the French word for “eat” is “app,” ’cause then the word “applesauce” would be “eat-the-sauce” in France, and I bet those dirty French would hate that.

  • Hot Glue

    If you’re trying to mend a broken relationship, keep in mind that hot glue is only a temporary solution.

  • Glitch in the Matrix

    The stunning advances in technology witnessed over the last few years make me believe that anything is possible, however unfathomable. Nonetheless, I wasn’t able to convince my girlfriend that her seeing me in bed with another woman was simply a glitch in the Matrix.

  • Priest Scandals

    I’m really disturbed about all these priest scandals I keep reading about in the papers. From what I can tell, the average priest is having more sex than I am.

  • Never Misses a Period

    What quality does the best secretary in the world have?

    She never misses a period.

  • Not Looked Back Since

    To save money on fuel I took the mirrors off of my car to reduce drag.

    I’ve not looked back since.

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