Your Tuesday so fat, Monday and Wednesday gotta scoot over a couple hours.
Meh Thoughts
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There was a guy in traffic beside me jerking off like crazy.
There was a guy in traffic beside me jerking off like crazy. I yelled out the window to him to at least have the decency to get back into his car.
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bowel movement and the series of “Batman” movies they made back
bowel movement and the series of “Batman” movies they made back in the 1990s: They both went on a lot longer than I expected.
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I like to tease my boyfriend by telling him I’m about to get
I like to tease my boyfriend by telling him I’m about to get hot, wet and naked. Dork thinks I’m taking a shower when I’m actually attending a giant lesbian orgy.
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Nearly Met Jesus
Hiking in your 70s is a great way to meet people.
Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist… and nearly met Jesus!
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Three Legs. To Me, That’s an Exotic Dancer
Three legs. To me, that’s an exotic dancer.
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Doctors Orders Mean Burger King
My doctor just told me that I need to start eating at Burger King.
Well, he really said that I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he means.
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I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people.
I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people. Little, stupid people who cry a lot.
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I wish I’d penned a song titled, “I Write The Songs That Make the Whole World Want to
I wish I’d penned a song titled, “I Write The Songs That Make the Whole World Want to Stick Scissors in Their Ears and Come After the Singer With Torches and Pitchforks,” because I’m pretty sure that Wikipedia would make a page entry about that guy.
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Why don’t the voices in my head ever tell me to do something productive, like put knife
Why don’t the voices in my head ever tell me to do something productive, like put knife down, release the hostages, and get an MBA?
