I could walk away from an explosion if I knew it was toward a movie camera because I know I could always buy a ticket to see the explosion.
Meh Thoughts
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I had to put my foot down
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo…
I had to put my foot down. -
Visiting a bordello builds character and toughness.
Visiting a bordello builds character and toughness. I say this thinking of the advice my friend gave me: “If you fall off a whore, get right back on.” Oh, and quickly too, or you’ll have to pay again.
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He had squatter’s rights
Why didn’t the personal trainer get kicked out of his apartment?
He had squatter’s rights.
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World Kindness Day and International Day for Tolerance
November 13th is World Kindness Day. November 16th is International Day for Tolerance. Trust me, you do NOT want to confuse them.
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I hate winter.
I hate winter. By the time spring arrives, my nipples have worn holes through all my favorite shirts.
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Bad Cell Phone Connection
When my wife said we were breaking up, I thought she was referring to a bad cell phone connection. Now I’m not so sure, since she hasn’t come home in three weeks — and we don’t have a cell phone.
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After I won the lottery, my family and friends told me they’re worried I might not be
After I won the lottery, my family and friends told me they’re worried I might not be mature enough to handle all that money wisely and end up just blowing it on something stupid. That’s total nonsense. Besides, what do I care what they think? I’m lighting my farts with hundred-dollar bills!
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I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me
I should have known this was a porn restaurant when they gave me a peanut fluffer and K-Y Jelly sandwich.
