What is the speed limit of sex?
68 — because at 69 you have to turn around.
Meh Thoughts
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Banana Affair: The Peeling Verdict!
Did you hear about the man who was found guilty of having sex with a banana?
He got off on a peel.
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Football is a game of inches — much like naked limbo.
Football is a game of inches — much like naked limbo.
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Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you
Ladies, it’s important that you pay attention to the idioms you use when speaking to your man. There’s a subtle but crucial difference between telling him you’re planning to “blow him off” and “blow him.”
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Taking Out the Bodies of the Previous Owners
I really enjoy taking out the trash from my new home. It’s hard to explain, but walking the trash to the curb the night before trash day really makes me feel like a homeowner. Especially now that I’ve taken out the bodies of the previous owners.
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I think math class should teach us useful skills, like how this small, round cardboard
I think math class should teach us useful skills, like how this small, round cardboard tube would be half full of toilet paper right now if I had just coughed up a few cents more for the double roll.
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He’s pure bread
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep biting him.
I should have known better.He’s pure bread!
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A Remarkable Guy
My friend Mark changed his name to something else, but now he’s thinking about changing it back.
Truly a remarkable guy.
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Chain It to a Pipe in the Basement
If you really love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, chain it to a pipe in the basement, because you don’t want to take a chance like that twice.
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I wish I could have predicted this boom in the smartphone market before I went and
I wish I could have predicted this boom in the smartphone market before I went and earned my degree in phone tree engineering.
