I was out to dinner and the waitress asked, “How did you find your steak, sir?”
I told her, “I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.”
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Now they have cameras everywhere
When I was young, you could go to the grocery store with two dollars in your pocket and come out with a loaf of bread, two dozen eggs, and a pound of butter.
Now, they have cameras everywhere. -
Future Racecar Driver
The way my four-year-old really gets into steering when we’re in the car makes me think he might grow up to be a professional racecar driver. And to think I originally just needed him to sit in my lap and take the wheel while I reached back for another beer.
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I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents
I took all the money I saved not buying Valentine’s Day presents over the years and bought masturbation toys. Now I own a solid gold fuck stick.
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My Boss Is Like a Fine Wine
My boss is like a fine wine. All I want to do is drive a corkscrew into him but my co-workers keep saying, “Not yet, let’s wait for a special occasion.”
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There is no “I” in “team,” but there are at least six eyes in a
There is no “I” in “team,” but there are at least six eyes in a Daisy Chain.
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Goldilocks Was Lazy
If you ever think you’re lazy, just remember…
Goldilocks decided to take a nap in the middle of a burglary…
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(Brad Wilkerson) I thought my leaf blower costume was a great
(Brad Wilkerson) I thought my leaf blower costume was a great idea until every guy in the neighborhood dressed up as a leaf.
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Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw
Okay, he got me for not wearing a seat belt. But I KNOW he saw the stickshift condom, yet he still gave me a ticket for reckless driving, too.
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Job Interview
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.
