I wonder if the illegal aliens living in the US find all these “Earth Day” celebrations to be exclusionary and somewhat insensitive to beings from their own home planets.
Meh Thoughts
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Hotel sex is great, but I hate having to ask housekeeping to
Hotel sex is great, but I hate having to ask housekeeping to clean around the tied-up midget.
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Dear Hollywood: We get it.
Dear Hollywood: We get it. The name Focker sounds like the word “f%#ker.” It was even funny the first two times in the first movie.
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*RING* “Hello?” “What’s up?” “Aw, man, I was right in the middle
*RING* “Hello?” “What’s up?” “Aw, man, I was right in the middle of masturbating.” “Then why’d you answer?” “I thought it might be my mom.”
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The Difference Between a Dead Baby and a Trampoline
What is the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
I don’t wear shoes when jumping on a trampoline.
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The optimist says the glass is half full.
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says it is half empty. The nurse says, “Just shut up and finish filling the bottle so we can do your drug test.”
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Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!”
Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!” in a crowded theatre, as long as there really *is* a fire in the theatre. I just wish the fire chief and coroner had explained that to me without all of the rude name-calling and swear words.
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When I looked down to see my penis was swollen large and turning
When I looked down to see my penis was swollen large and turning green, I started to panic. Then I realized I’d mistakenly purchased “Shrek” condoms.
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Musical Peas vs. Hummus Heroes!
What’s the difference between Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas?
Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, while chickpeas can only hummus one.
