I took my lifeguard certification test the other day, but failed miserably. It turns out you need to do more than just run up and down the beach in slow motion.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Oral Sex Makes Your Day
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Hiding My Girlfriend’s Inhaler
I sometimes fool my neighbours into thinking I’m good in bed by hiding my girlfriend’s inhaler. They can hear her out of breath shouting “give it to me, just fucking give it to me, pleeeeease give it to me”.
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My Big Electric Bill
The other day, a homeless man asked me for a dollar.
I told him that I only carry big bills. He asked me for one of those, so I gave him my electric bill.
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Too Weak Notice
I’ve decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
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I Knew Where He Lived
I scared the mailman yesterday by going to the door completely naked…
I’m not sure what freaked him out more… my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
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Yeehaw or Heeyaw
I need to know something: Is it “Yeehaw” or “Heeyaw”? I’m riding in my first rodeo and don’t want to sound like a total idiot.
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My Boss Is Like a Fine Wine
My boss is like a fine wine. All I want to do is drive a corkscrew into him but my co-workers keep saying, “Not yet, let’s wait for a special occasion.”
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Spain and Portugal Fit Like a Glove
Continental drift is no mere theory; it is fact. Forget about trying to fit Africa and South America together — just look at how Spain’s jagged western border fits Portugal’s jagged eastern border like a glove. Coincidence? Please.
