All over China, parents tell their children to stop complaining and to finish their quadratic equations and trigonometric functions because there are sixty-five million American kids going to bed with no math at all.
Meh Thoughts
Meh thoughts
Short thoughts for long downward spirals
Browse quick-hit shower thoughts, deadpan one-liners, dark little observations, and questionable micro-rants from Chaotic Meh. They are short, searchable, and emotionally about as stable as a folding chair in a hurricane.
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Last One There Gets a Rotten Egg
Q: What did one sperm cell say to the other sperm cell?
A: Last one there gets a rotten egg!
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Two Kinds of Booty
It’s funny how the hip-hop “booty” is different from the old-time pirate “booty” — yet if you have either of them, you can pretty easily get the other.
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Taking Out the Bodies of the Previous Owners
I really enjoy taking out the trash from my new home. It’s hard to explain, but walking the trash to the curb the night before trash day really makes me feel like a homeowner. Especially now that I’ve taken out the bodies of the previous owners.
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60-Minute Carbio Porkout
I designed my new video to address an under-served niche: enabling Atkins dieters to enjoy the thrill of watching a starch-laden buffet get decimated without all the unwanted after-effects via “60-Minute Carbio Porkout!”
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Preferred Seating on the Short Bus
On my resume, should I be bold and include “Proven Methodology of Obtaining and Retaining Preferred Seating on the Short Bus” as an achievement? Or should I just list it with my other superpowers?
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Alone When Doing Number Two
The old song says, “One is the loneliest number you could ever do.” I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be alone when I’m doing number two.
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Positive Thoughts
They say if you have positive thoughts about something, it will happen. Well, I’ve been thinking positively about my neighbor’s 19-year-old daughter, but so far, no luck. I think maybe my wife’s negative thoughts are interfering.
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Jokes About Unemployed People
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But it doesn’t matter, none of them work.
