I don’t understand couples who like to watch porn while they fuck. That’s like making Little League baseball players watch the World Series of Fucking during every game.
Meh Thoughts
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The best part of waking up is not about coffee in my cup. It’s
The best part of waking up is not about coffee in my cup. It’s realizing I’m still young enough to have morning wood.
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So what should we avoid the plague like?
So what should we avoid the plague like?
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My Sock Fell Off
My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent…
So, I woke him up at 2am to tell him my sock fell off and then again at 4 to tell him I needed to pee.
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I’d like to see George Lucas use his sci-fi revisionism powers for good, like updating
I’d like to see George Lucas use his sci-fi revisionism powers for good, like updating that classic “Star Trek” episode to include a harmonica-playing Spock accompanying Captain Kirk on “Nobody Knows the Tribbles I’ve Seen.”
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Look Back and Laugh
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.
But now I can look back and laugh.
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Just remember: If it weren’t for animal testing, we wouldn’t know that animal testing
Just remember: If it weren’t for animal testing, we wouldn’t know that animal testing can be harmful to animals.
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I wish I could be a hooker-magician. Then I’d throw a little
I wish I could be a hooker-magician. Then I’d throw a little humor into my act by yelling, “And now for my next trick…” and grabbing some guy by the wand.
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Spreading Butter
Getting a woman to spread her legs is a lot like spreading butter on bread…
You can do it with a credit card, but it’s easier with a knife.
