Do you know why people call me “The Computer”?
I fall asleep if left unattended for 5 minutes.
Meh Thoughts
-
I was having a good laugh mocking that guy at the biker bar about his cheesy barbed wire
I was having a good laugh mocking that guy at the biker bar about his cheesy barbed wire tattoo — until I realized it wasn’t a tattoo.
-
It Just Rolls Off the Tongue
My favourite word is drool.
It just rolls off the tongue.
-
I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and
I learned two things that weekend: 1) Despite the assurances and insistence of my scout master, the product is not named “KY-In-Tents”; 2) The experience is nothing like what they lead you to believe from those commercials.
-
More Than Red and Blue Combined
My least favourite colour is purple.
I dislike it more than red and blue combined.
-
Knock Yourself Out
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia.
He said, “Sure, knock yourself out.”
-
I was visited by three ghosts this Christmas.
I was visited by three ghosts this Christmas. They were all family members, and technically they were all still alive, but I just find it comforting to imagine they’re already deceased.
-
Why SeaWorld Closed
Why did SeaWorld close?
It was being reporpoised.
-
Something must be fu#$ed up with my Life Alert notifications.
Something must be fu#$ed up with my Life Alert notifications. I keep getting messages from Keith Richards saying he’s out of Jack Daniel’s.
